Sry I called you an 8
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
