Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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