You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Randomize
