he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
