Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
