Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
