How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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