would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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