Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
