Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
