I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
