Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
