I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
