Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
