covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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