So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
