Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
