giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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