After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
