Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
