I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
