i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
