it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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