I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
