your room smells of hookers.
And success
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
