Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
