Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
