i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
