awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
