I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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