Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
