I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
