This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
