i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
