then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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