Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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