I didn't shave. On purpose
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
