He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
