I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's blow job season.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
