ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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