My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
