My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
