I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
