When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
