that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
