I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dick very happy bro
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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