they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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