i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love you.
Bad choice
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