i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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