Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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