I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
