Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
